super, not damn

Heading to medical school...

2005-08-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

Will be leaving for India on the 30th of August at 10.45pm...will take a plane to Bangalore and stay a night there...the next morning, will be taking another flight to Mangalore and register at Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore...

the results of a quiz i did online...wonder whether its correct...:p

2005-08-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Totally informal blog

2005-08-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

ok...i have no mood to compose my sentences properly or organise this blog entry...hence, im going to write whatever comes to my mind....
im so scared to go...i have mixed feelings about leaving soon...i woke up today feeling so depressed about leaving home where i feel so comfortable...5 and a half years seems so long to me...then i started thinking about the real reason i'm going...to study...and maybe this whole depression is coz i dont have any books to keep me busy in the right way...dont get me wrong...im not lounging around the house the whole day in my pajamas...i do have a "busy" life...:p but its full of dates, family outing, shopping days etc...things that in some way don't fulfil me like books do or maybe just studying...i don't feel useful enough .... so i guess, the only way to curb this occasional depression is to keep in mind dat im going to study, meet new people, broaden my mind, bask(thanks che!:)) in the culture and enjoy myself...:) secondly, i guess the usefullness will come along as soon as i start classes and that will be one hectic lifestyle to get used to...:) classes dat i HAVE to attend, lectures i HAVE to listen to, etc...so life is gonna be good...:)

Results!!!:)

2005-08-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

Finally! i got 4 A's!!:) Thank you, God!

The truth about the hours spent supposedly buried in my books

2005-08-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

The A2 results will be out on Monday i heard. Anxiety, uncertainty, guilt....all these emotions and a bit more flying in the form of butterflies in my stomach. Ok i know there's something wrong with that statement....:)
i'm not trying to be arrogant or boastful but ppl who know me may say that i have no worries about results but honestly, i feel so unsure about my chances of acing this exam. i know that i've done my best but i feel that my best is not enough to get the results that i want. i also think that maybe i don't deserve the results that i want. i'm a person with lots of flaws and maybe a failure will do some good to my ego. all in all, i've never been more unsure about my capabilities.
to add to it, i don't think my studying technique was all that good. i became so stressed up. maybe God will suddenly come up with this idea that a failure would be the best in curbing my stress-prone behaviour. Actually, maybe what i'm really afraid of is the fact that God determines my results and He'll think that it is best for me to not get what i want this time especially when all these while He's been giving me what i want.

back down to Earth

2005-07-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

it's time for me to have REAL goals. i cannot be focused on just completing my studies and doing the best i can for myself. i have to start thinking about other people and how what i do affects them. secondly, i have to stop being subjective. i didnt know what it means but now i do. subjective is when u are emotional and illogical. i have to increase my sympathy-capabilities and put my hostility a few notched lower. my interpersonal skills have to be honed and tolerance learnt. its not going to be achieved overnight but everything takes time and i'm determined to be a better person and get rid of this self absorbed person in me. i'm not trying to be modest or have a confession on my blog but im just organising my thoughts and fears.

Wake up, Day calls you

2005-07-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

Found a nice poem this morning...:)

Wake up. Day calls you

Wake up. Day calls you
to your life:your duty.
And to live, nothing more.
Root it out of the glum
night and the darkness
that covered your body
for which light waited
on tiptoe in the dawn.
Stand up, affirm the straight
simple will to be
a pure slender virgin.
Test your bodys metal.
cold, heat? Your blood
will tell against the snow,
or behind the window.
The colour
in your cheeks will tell.
And look at people. Rest
doing no more than adding
your perfection to another
day. Your task
is to carry your life high,
and play with it, hurl it
like a voice to the clouds
so it may retrieve the light
already gone from us.
That is your fate: to live
Do nothing.
Your work is you, nothing more.

Pedro Salinas

just a start...

2005-07-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

i spent the whole day at home except for lunch and dinner out with the family. it was intended to be a day for rest but i ended up settling a few stuff concerning preparations to leave.Firstly, had to make a few calls to confirm the visa process. a jpa officer called and i think the poor lady had to make many similar calls that she talked so fast! no wonder meng yee said she couldn't catch what the woman said:) kinda pity her actually...
anyway, finally finished the letter to looi so one thing from the list is ticked off!:) hopefully it'll reach her soon...
i also kinda made a list of things to buy for India...ok actually i just took che-che's list which she made last year and added the extra stuff and crossed out the unnecessary ones..i think my laziness resurfacing since the holidays started:)
so actually, the week has been quite a fulfilling one...met Tanya for a drink on Wednesday...last night, met claudia, ju lynn, pei hwa, and trudy for starlight cinema but when we got there it started to rain and to cut the long story short, we were left standing in the rain for more than half an hour and didn't get to watch the movie too. However, we did get to watch Fantastic 4 which to me, was very fantastic!:) it has been a long time since i last watched a nice movie so it's a relief to me...
so today marks the first step of my preparations to leave for India...i'm predicting a few more weeks of much activities...:)

hooray!

2005-07-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since i last posted something on my blog...i think maybe because i have too many events that i want to post that i don't have the time and diligence to actually jot it down...anyway, i'll make it easy and list down what have happened so far in this one month since i last blogged...
1) A2 exams are finished...ended on an OK note but overall, i've never been so not confident about scoring in an exam before...
2) went for the Biro Tatanegara camp...its a brainwashing camp where the main motive is to increase your patriotisme and discipline you so it wasn't entirely fun...we had to survive with barely enough water to bathe with, the heat was excrutiating, the ceramahs were so darn boring, and the juru latih were constantly scolding us for being brainies who are not physically fit:p anyway,we all survived the 5 days and 4 nights there and came home in one piece...met a few nice ppl so i'm glad i went...like the saying goes, if it doesn't kill you, it'll just make u stronger...:)
3) all my form 6 friends have started uni...Hen has gone to to medicine in UniMas Sarawak, Looi Accountancy in UPM etc...will miss them a lot but technology is great nowadays...communication is no problem!:)
4) went on a trip to Genting for one night...we didn't even go to the theme park...just enjoyed each others company and relaxed...
5) had a pot luck-BBQ at Looi's place last week like a farewell...it was great to see everyone there..may there be many more to come!
6) as for preparations to leave for India if my results are ok, mummy bought my bag already! really nice one..a bit silverish...but made me so sad to think that i'm going to have to set up another home for myself...
actually, the holiday has been pretty exciting so far...most of the days i'm hardly at home...partly because i'm out with brandon but before i sound like a clingy gf, i have to say i met up with a few friends already and i have a few more to go too..i'm determined to not be one of those girls who when you call them, they are always with their bf's,...ive learnt that it can be annoying to her friends and unhealthy for the relationship..:p
listed below are the things( productive ones) that i have to do...i realised that if i don't list it down, i never get it done...
a)update my blog
b)reply Jo Dear's and Looi's letters
c)get a nice postcard to send to Inaaz
d)clear my desk drawers
e)make a list of things i have to buy for India
ok let's not be so adventurous and keep it to 5....:) looks like i finished number 1 so yay and a pat in the back for me!:)
oh ya, have to learn how to use my laptop too and how to download songs...i can't be stealing all of che-che's list of songs...:)

Exam fever....

2005-05-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

A2 exams started on monday...so far the papers were a bit hard.nothing much i can do but give it my best and leave the rest to God. i think this time maybe He might have to put in a bit more for me:) Revision going on fine surprisingly. i'm trying my best to take it one day at a time.
It's confirmed that i'll be going to Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore, if i get minimum 3 Bs for a levels. so far, i've been having mixed feelings about this. i can't wait to start something new but at the same time, i feel a bit depressed about leaving but i have about 3 more months so no use thinking about it although i sometimes can't help it.The college seems ok as it is ranked 3rd in India. oh ya, and i'm having all these weird worries like people cheating me there, new friends who turn out to be weirdos or even someone stealing my bags at the airport.i think maybe i have too much time in my hands.i might have started my "engine" too early for exams that it is dying a bit now. sigh...well, at least can look forward to che che coming home next saturday.i'm sure she can make me feel better...although robert did quite a job yesterday:)
Somehow,everytime i think of leaving, i'm reminded of a certain lazy afternoon with sunlight through the curtain, a world globe and the smell of Shokobutsu shower soap...

Shingles Pringles

2005-04-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday i developed this slight rash on my back and i thought i was just allergic to something so i just applied calamine lotion. however, i also felt pain on my right arm down my back so i didn't think it was a normal rash. so i went to the clinic and the doctor said dat i had shingles. my gosh, the sound of it is so yucky!it sounded like a skin disease which occured because i wasn't hygienic!:P anyway, it's a dormant chicken pox virus that resides in your spinal cord but because of stress or low body immunity, it resurfaces as the form of rash that turns to chicken pox-like bubble which eventually, if not treated, will look like the ulcers in your mouth. anyway, luckily i went to the clinic early so he prescribed some medicine and cream.The itch on Tuesday night was the worst! i really lost my temper and felt pretty depressed as exams are drawing near and this is the last thing i needed...the rash spread like a ring from the centre of my back to the front, above my abdomen. it all turned into bubbles and looked really really disgusting. anyway, i had painkiller so it wasn't that bad. im lucky coz i had the medication and after some hard lecturing from meng yee and chek ning about counting my lucky stars dat im not scarred for life, i'm looking at it in a more postive way.
Trials were fine too. :) so far so good but lab papers are next week onwards so hopefully everything will be fine.
don't feel particularly up and kicking right now. maybe it's PMS...i don't know....just have some stuff weighing on my mind...confusing me and making me think about stuff when i shouldnt be...

peace of mind, pls!

2005-04-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

A2 trials starting next week. Revision going on fine so far but i can never bee too sure until the day before the exam because i have a tendency to not think much while i'm revising so hopefully, it's not like that this time. After trials, i only have 2 weeks plus before the REAL exam so i can't afford to not absorb or leave some stuff for after trials. Bio lab is still stagnant. most of us are not thinking about it until we have fully grasped our other theory papers. If i think about it, i think i'll cry my eyes out.Other lab papers are going on fine. I'm banging on my other 2 papers of Bio to give me a final A. Last weekend was a pretty terrifying one. Panicked almost the whole time and yet could not do 100% effective studying. But after much consolation from Tanya and Brandon, i feel better. i'm resolved to not worry, or think too much. PMS is kicking in so i'm eating constantly and i'm having mood swings. trying my best to not let it get to me but it's hard. the eating problem is not really a problem.i don't really care but the mood swings has to be dealt with. while i was worrying so much the last weekend, what saddened me was that while i was panicking about something so "worldly", the Pope was dying. :( How pathetic of me...

my first official drink...:)

2005-03-05T11:17:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a pretty fun day out...needed it after a terrible craving for fun i had the whole week. went for a comedy in Actors' Studio, Bangsar,"Actorlympics" or something. pretty good i think.Maybe a tad bit typical Malaysia jokes but they made me laugh pretty hard:)
Then we went to Bangsar for a drink with Andrew...we as in brandon and me la...went to Red Chamber and i had my first official drink..."Frozen strawberry margarita"...was warned that it had a slightly strong alcohol taste but i think they camouflaged it a lot with the strawberries so i actually enjoyed the drink...:) was gonna wait till my birthday to have a drink but aiya, was in the mood to have some fun...although i think i was hardly affected....waste of booze they said...:)

take a look through my eyes....

2005-02-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

ok...corny title but phil collins is singing it on light and easy now...and i love the song...makes me feel better when i'm down...like God talking through the song...:) comforts me...
well, chess was terrible...i had to play two games for 2 consecutive days so on the first day, i half-heartedly played and lost both games...ok fine, i'm no chess player that's why...i was so lazy on the second night so i missed it and got disqualified...then Didie asked whether i could replace someone on wednesday, the last day, and i did coz it was only one game and i felt a bit guilty for disqualifying myself..hehe..and well, i lost too!hehe...i knew i was never intelligent...sigh...:)
have been reading newspapers these few days mainly because there isnt anything else that is fun to do in college...anyway, it really made me feel so sad...recently, there are so many rape cases in malaysia!and what makes me more sad and disgusted are the incest cases! what have we human beings turned into? if you're feeling so darn horny, go to a red light zone and pay for some consented sex! why resort to rape and murder? why murder them? but then again, rapists already murder their victims' souls anyway...i strongly believe rapists should be castrated...but i'm not the one to judge them...years in prison is not enough for ruining so many lives...it's not only the victim who suffers(if she's alive!) but also her family and her loved ones...

oh my gawd!!!haha!!!! spelled "gawd" so no commandment broken...:)

2005-02-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

ok....one week of college wasnt dat bad...got back my chem results which was surprisingly not bad considering i didn't slog as much as i always and it was pretty hard to me...can't compare to "nearly perfect scores" liew la but im ok!:)
having some problems with the uni we're applying to because it seems it's not recognised by the india gov but this info is in the process of being clarified though...will update that later...
oh but driving has progressed A LOT...much thanks to brandon...muaks!....daddy even let me drive on the highway on the way back from Mines yesterday and he didn't scold me at all!:) yay! hopefully this will go on...the future looks bright for me...:)
having a chess competition this week...i'm terrible in chess...tried playing with daniel last night and at first, i was concentrating hard so it was ok...but towards the end, i got restless and didnt concentrate hard enough and ended up losing! ok partly i lost also coz im not as intelligent as daniel la..:p...i think my group made a big mistake on putting me for chess....but then i'd have sucked equally with badminton...hehe...ok..i think that's about it for now...:)

It has been a long time...:)

2005-02-04T14:54:00.000-08:00

wow, i think it has been about a month since i last entered a blog...college has been really busy.we have so MUCH stuff to cover and yet the lecturers are taking their own sweet time. we have two more option topics for physics and we havent finished our core syllabus!!sigh...even intec is having their trials after cny...more and more stress....sigh....AND i didn't know that bio option paper was so hard! maybe i didn't know what to read and study...sigh...hopefully it will be ok....
driving isn't going on really well...i really want to drive but i don't get the opportunity to drive!!!i have to drive and be a good driver before i leave...sigh...it just bothers me a lot...
one BIG achievement for me...I STAYED THE WEEKEND IN COLLEGE!!!!hehe...had to coz i had classes on saturday and mid term exam started on monday...it wasnt as bad as i imagined...really...:)
about exams...sigh...it was very sad for chem and bio...but maths, it was pretty good compared to previous exams...i could really do it!!:) very happy for that...but have been very stressed up these few days...
one more thing...robert left already...it was really pretty sad especially when i hardly had time for him the last few weeks he was in kl...
ok..this is just to start the blog rolling again so ill just stop now...

2 days before xmas

2004-12-23T12:34:00.000-08:00

i spent 7 hours shopping yesterday in klcc by myself...finished all the presents....except for brandon's...very very bad....couldnt find anything suitable at all!! honestly, guys are so hard to shop for...i could think of sooo many presents to shop for mummy, and all the other girls...sigh...so im left with no presents for him and we're supposed to be celebrating xmas together today..as in he will arrive anytime soon...sigh...what am i to do???anyway, xmas tree is up...presents under the tree....xmas cookies were supplied by mi....tarts and all....erm...what else...oh ya! decorations are up....a few at least...and nadia and didie gave me a big xmas stocking and a decorative item so that contributed to the xmas mood at home...:) xmas songs were played occasionally...everything is moderately xmas-sy....:) am happy....my last xmas here if everything goes well....:)

xmas isnt xmas till it happens in ur heart!!!!!!

2004-12-15T11:16:00.000-08:00

ok...i only sang dat sentence in my heart so it didnt rain la...:)
back in college, got most of the results already...did pretty ok i think...made silly careless mistakes but i tot i'd fail maths but it turned out ok...not just a pass too!:)
well, there's hardly any xmas mood at home...the tree is not up, no cookies, no wrapped presents(coz we just bought it for each other without waiting for xmas to open)...so ive decided dat this weekend, im gonna try to bring xmas home as much as possible...so, my aim is
a. tree has to be up
b. wrapped present under it
c. this means i hv to complete my xmas shoppin this week...aiks!
d. bake cookies?without burning the hse down?hehe...
e. take out all xmas cd's and play the whole day

5 tasks...should be ok rite?my jie jie is rite...xmas in the heart...and we DO fight at least once during the xmas season...hehe...esp on what to buy for other ppl...oh ya che...i think gonna share the presents with dan..should i buy for u-know-who?she and her family-who-must-not-be-named?dunnola...dun wanna waste money but shy also if dun give rite?and...what i want from italy???eh che...get those rose smelling rosary for me can ah?the one u know, after u say ur prayers can smell the rose smell?lost or broke mine edi...hehe...ok before this blog becomes an email to my sister,ill stop here...thank u looi also.animal family, yes:) cant wait to hang out with u guys soon...muaksss to all the animals...hehe...
han sed im pretty?coz i look exactly like my sister la!;)

bye bye holidays

2004-12-10T23:27:00.000-08:00

im waiting for my hair to finish the treatment.since when did i get so vain? treatment.omg.nvm.im gonna be 20 soon so im entitled to be vain rite?
anyway, the port dickson trip was so much fun.most of them i wasn't close to when i was in school but it was great getting to know them.we had 3 fun-filled days and 2 exciting nights.we played lotsa games too, like,believe or not, captain ball.hehe.the guys thought it'd be boring but i think they got really into it at the end.then i also tried to play tennis but couldnt hit the ball also.i think i hit once or twice but it flew to the direction opposite to what was intended.hehe.then we even tried beach volleyball.gosh!damn painful.i think iwas scared of the ball.hehe.yap was the one planning the whole trip and once we were supposed to go out for lunch and we ended up eating at a small rundown coffee shop.hehe.we were supposed to be "travelling" la.and, this fella had this bright idea of stopping by "a rabbit farm" omg.rm 6 just to see rabbits?hehe.we went swimming one morning and it was loads of fun.did somersaulting(wilson will understand la, i supposedly scratched him la), tried learning to swim with my head above the water, and we also spotted a mr.incredible lookalike(i mean when he retired).at night, we played truth or dare and teck keng had to kiss yap!hehe.gosh, took a pic of it and yap looked like he was enjoying it!hehe.we girls took all the pillows and the guys had to resort to sleeping bags and the couch.on the last nite, a few of us had a pillow talk in the girls' room...sigh...it was a great trip.a good experience for my first trip outstation with my friends.hope for more to come.for now, its back to college!fingers crossed for my results.sigh, liew is right, if not good, move on and gambatte!:)
christmas season not the same without che che.sigh.everytime i hear the song "have urself a merry little christmas" feel like wanna cry when it comes to the part "from now on, we all will be together, if the fates allow"....sigh...they lied...we're no together...how many more xmas' do i hv to go through without my sister...? 6 or 7? and when they start with "ill be home for xmas" omg!i wanna cry...sigh...all i want for xmas is my sister home with me! and the xmas shopping where ill be stinging on it but she wont bother the price...it used to drive me crazy when she spent a lot on other ppl...hehe...i guess, she's the mroe caring one...sigh...wish she was here...really...its just not the same...

Reunion

2004-12-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

went to inaaz's house yesterday.it was super cool.met quite a number of old friends.some of them ive nvr seen since the lastday of SPM.at first, pei hwa and me were the only ones there.then the crowd came in slowly.we took quite a number of pictures too.it was fantastic to see everyone.it was obvious that we've all grown up since secondary school days. most of them, except for farhad, were physically the same.oh yeah, with the exception of mascara, eye liner, dyed hair, lip gloss...:) farhad put on weight!hehe...and naqib is so tall! but it's a relief to see that personality wise, no one changed drastically...everyone was the same crazily fun bunch of ppl i knew in school...makes me wish i could go back to the old school days for just ONE day...one day of sitting in for pn. zaharah saad's fantastic physics class, pn. afifah's undescribable chem class, mr.john's ever-inspirational english lessons...etc....prefect duty..sigh...those were the days...:)*smiling to myself....
oh yeah!there's the port dickson trip on tuesday to look forward to...must make a list of things to bring after my bath...:)

im a driver!!!

2004-11-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

AT LAST!!!!! ive passed my driving test and in a few days time, i will get my license...this was indeed a long agonising wait...sigh...dats all...im too relieved to elaborate...ok yes, i did "settle" the road part but cmon!i passed the hill, parking and 3 point turn y myself...:) dat deserves some credit...yippee!!!:)

when to know dat it is enough?

2004-11-28T23:11:00.000-08:00

i just finished watching the movie "the notebook".i cried my eyes out and it's really weird because i've alredy read the book a few years back and as i recall, i also cried (even more!) when i was reading it. it was basically a movie about first love.the first love element didn't really capture my attention but what did was the passionate, crazy, head over heels, i-cant-sleep, love that the hero and heroine had.is that what we all should search for in our lives? that person who we can love so passionately without a care of the world? in the climax, the heroine(Ally) had to choose between Noah(the hero),who was not that rich but she loved so very much, and another guy who also loved her a lot(and hot too!James marsden!!),was rich but she didn't love him as passionately as she did with Noah...ok so which would u choose?well, obviously she chose Noah...ok another question...what if, u didn't HAVE to choose? what if u didnt have Noah but u had the other guy only?should u just leave this guy who loves u and u love him, just coz ure hoping for something "better"?IS there something "better" for everyone? or is it just us thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? and if ya, what if u did choose the lamer guy and one day, when ure married, u meet YOUR Noah? what happens then? ok for us Catholics, its more of crying and regretting and then move on with the lamer guy...but honestly...do u just keep on discarding the not-so-passionate guys in the hope of a Noah? hhhmmm....this topic has been on my mind for a few days already since this guy told me about this...as in, the ONE person in ur life thatu will love the most but it doesn't mean that it will work out,of course....but does that person exist for each one of us or is it just a figment of our imagination due to the influence of western media?

driving...urgh!

2004-11-24T18:30:00.000-08:00

i didn't think i'd say this but yes, i am sick of driving!i have been driving for days and its so tiring. this is not to say that my driving is already praise-worthy.it's far from that. i'm also not saying that my instructor is still verbally intimidating me, hehe. he's kinda stopped doing that and reduced it to just occasionally. maybe i'm just tired of being "not-good" in driving. my instructor said i'm still scared a bit when i drive so that's why i have another 2 hours tomorrow.sigh.i really hope everything will be fine on Tuesday. the "bukit" part is worrying me a bit.
jo dear stayed overnight a few days ago. it was really full of laughter and the day ended with lots of exhaustion.hehe.she's the type of girl who can make u laugh non-stop!there was a loud screaming session when she found out i had the Clay Aiken cd.didn't know we were both big fans of him!:)
sigh, am a bit tired of thinking what to type so i think ill just paste a questionnaire and answer it.here goes!
1.What would you do if you never get to seesomeone you like?- accept the fact that ure nvr gonna see and get on with my life
2. If you got the chance to tell the guy/girl that you like him/her..would you tell him/her?:only if i know for sure he likes me too and also only if the reason he's not saying it first is because he's shy
3. If the guy/girl you like already have someoneelse in mind, what would you do? haiyo,move on la.not easy but its the right thing to do
4. Would you rather like someone who likes you or who you like??: both?:)
5. Would you wait for the guy/girl who you like very much to change his/her attitude?: depends on wat attitude it is.if its a long term habit then there's no point in trying to change it...and also it depends on if he WANTS to change or not.
6. Do you think love is like a dream ? nope...its super real:)
7. Do you believe in fate?not really...God's plans can change...
8. Would you rather prefer to stay somewhere near the guy/girl you like and look at him/her or go up to him/her and talk to him/her?: huh?
9. If you were to see him/her on the street, would you go up and say hello to him/her?if he's my friend, why not?
10. Love hurts ya? at times, yes.
11. Cried after a break-up? yep
12. Will you be friends with your ex-gf/bf?: i don't see why not
13. Bring any of your gf/bf home?: yep...
14. Take care of any of your friends when they're sick, like how you treat your gf/bf??: didn't have the opportunity but i would if i could.
15. Quarreled in public with gf/bf before, if so,what happened?:no, unless u count playful quarrel
16. Regret(s) in any relationships before, if so,why?i don't think so...everything happens for a reason
17. Are you happy with your life now?moderately happy
18. How are you feeling now?:tired, worried about my driving...
19. Missing anyone now?:yes!
ok this is stupid....:) cheers to another day of driving tomorrow! ganbadeh to myself!

me? a driver?

2004-11-18T22:14:00.000-08:00

i had 2 driving sessions this week. the first was pretty ok coz i just went around the track by myself, trying to revise the basic stuff.
today, i learnt the 3-point turn.it was ok but i couldnt really get the hang of reversing.my coordination not dat good la.then just went up the hill but didn't learn how to stop. the hard part was towards the end of the lesson.he asked me to drive on the main road again and this time, it was crowded!!! at one time, there was this BIG trailer passing on my right.scared me a lot!he kept telling me to drive faster.he even commented that the bicyle was faster than me.how am i supposed to be confident enough to drive so fast? then when i did step on the accelerator, he asked why am i speeding?! then he also asked me to use the brakes, then when i did, he asked why am i slowing down when the car is so far away.sigh.im hoping it was his stupid fever that caused him to scold me so much.sigh.maybe im not cut out to be a good driver.i'd rather sit for a written test than this!urgh! 4 hours class on monday...God help me!!pls!!

sigh...

2004-11-16T16:36:00.000-08:00

ok maybe from my last blog, i may seem as if i think my relationship is so perfect and its going to end happily ever after or maybe just a nice understanding, no-tears,friends-forever, break up. correction:i don't think so!
my relationship is NOT perfect. no relationship is. we could even break up tomorrow!i wouldn't know.this is just my theory or my opinion about how a relationship should be handled.that's all.i think this is a good way to handle MY relationship but i may be wrong.to add to it, this may not apply to everyone too.only time will tell if this way of facing it is correct for me.i have no idea how it'd work out but don't everyone try their best in every relationship?well, this is my "very best".:)
just for the record, i read in Her World magazine in the hairdresser yesterday and this divorcee said the same. she said that even if u are married, u should not give your whole"body and soul" to that person. she said u must have your own life too and not put in so much hope lest your prince may turn into a frog.i agree!!!!:)

nice day...really...:)

2004-11-12T21:24:00.000-08:00

oopps...sorry che, the song is "love is only a feeling" by The Darkness....:)totally forgot to add it until i saved it...hehe....then too lazy to put it in...anyway, i'm soooo excited about christmas!!!its about a month more....eeeee......played christmass songs in the car with mummy....went out with Brandon for awhile..then met up with woon qi in midvalley....i have always wondered about having relationships when u are studying...i haven't drawn a complete conclusion on my opinion on this matter but i think when you are a student, i agree that a relationship is generally not good for u especially when we are too young to bother ourselves about this kind of stuff...
ok so i may seem a bit of a hypocrite but hear me out...relationships can be healthy when u are young...the important thing is to know when to draw the line for commitment...we have to be realistic...what are the chances of a relationship at this age ending with wedding bells when u are hardly 20? very slim...so in my opinion, we should not be too serious when we are involved with someone...i don't mean we play the field or to date other people even though u have a "steady" boyfriend...but what i mean is, don't put the person as BIG priority in your life...when you are too attached to something(anything in life actually) you are bound to screw it up...have a life of your own and let the boyfriend or girlfriend just be a bonus in your life...yes of course, u are totally commited to her but your commitment does not have to be proven with phonecalls everyday or dates every other day!Admittedly, it is hard not to get hooked on that person but it is not impossible...it is essential to safeguard both of u from unnecessary hurt...we are so young...why waste our time with someone who makes u cry or angry or frustrated...be in a relationship with the intentions of being happy together...share moments together but don't spend time with your friends only if he is there..if you are starting to neglect other special things in your life such as ur studies, family, friends, hobbies...then he's not worth it...a close friend told me once...when you are in a relationship, always have one foot in and the other out...and it kinda stuck with me...:)
maybe i may seem like i have a terrible boyfriend who neglects me so im making this up so that i'd feel better...haha...it does sound liek that but that's not it!this is from past experience(mine and people around me)...and i truly believe in what i've written...:)maybe i could be wrong or too naive...maybe...im open to corrections...only time will tell...

My favourite song for now!

2004-11-11T20:24:00.000-08:00

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all
Love is only a feeling(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway
The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I
Love is only a feeling(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway
Love is only a feeling(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.

another ME day!

2004-11-11T15:30:00.000-08:00

Today is another day for me to catch up with myself. Brandon took yesterday from me...hehe...not that i'm complaining....but anyway, i have tons of things to catch up with...letters to write(yes i still believe in snailmail...will explain further on)calls to make, magazines to read, nails to paint, sleep to....indulge!hehee....so this is my "To-do" list for the holidays. i HAVE to make it a point to complete all the tasks below before the holidays are gone and i feel sooo unproductive. ok here goes:
a) Reply letters to i) Jo Dear
ii) Sze Looi
iii) Tanya(plus her birthday card, aiks!!)
b) photostate pure maths book
c) get biology practical notes from Anan
d) finish off my driving(fingers crossed;) )
e) tidy my desk
f) christmas shopping

This list is subject to changes...:) but NO deletion though...oh ya, have to make sure i write my diary and this blog every other day at least...although i don't see why because no one really reads this blog except for maybe, Robert and my sister...although i have doubts on the latter as exams are drawing near for my sister...
Today was quite a nice day actually.went to pizza hut for lunch, then settled my photos in my handphone to send to Chek Ning...hhhmm...quite productive apart from the fact that i woke up at 11am!but i only slept at 3am...brandon's fault!hehe...oh ya!!! went to sze looi's house last night on the way back from 1utama...very nice to see her...can't wait for the Genting trip in Dec!!it'd be so much fun...sigh...:)

hooray hooray its a holi...holi...DAAAYYY!!!

2004-11-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

hahahaha....yay!just arrived home for a month of holiday...and i got 8.5 for my IELTS!!!!totally didn't expect it...when Miss Rani told me, i was so shocked!honestly, my English is nothing to shout about. Frankly, it is pretty bad for someone who only speaks English and very occasionally BM.sigh. the day is good...:) biology paper was really nice actually.i just hope the results will reflect the same...honestly, the topics i stressed on came out! pretty happy about it...physics...sigh...i thought i could REALLY score in physics but i think not as good as i expected...but ok nonetheless...:)

overworked or plain lazy?:p

2004-11-06T21:11:00.000-08:00

ok...i think i might have started a bit too early my revision for my finals...i hv physics and bio paper on tuesday and i am not studying!did physics in the evening and supposed to start bio but i opened the book, read a few sentences and closed it. aiyo!i dont know what i am doing with my studies...i put in extra effort for my studies this semester and i dont feel anything but stressed and exhausted.the worse thing is that when i did the exam, i didn't feel any better at all!frankly, i felt worse!! i have never missed any questions in an exam paper my whole life and i did that yesterday!what's happening to me? i think i am doing everythig wrong. i became so kiasu, trying to compete my study hours with other people, stressing myself out, controlling everything!i controlled everything!even my prayers. prayer became a responsibility instead of a need. i have to face it, i did it the wrong way this time. i never learn my lesson! i did this for my AS level trials too and the results were the same! to add to it, the last exam, i took it very easy without worrying and i did pretty well! but did that teach me a lesson?NO!!! even after ki yang gave me that 15 minutes lecture on taking life easy...i never learn....or maybe, all these assumptions i have about myself is an excuse for me to be lazy??? hhhmmm.......

finals...

2004-10-31T13:00:00.000-08:00

My 3rd semester finals will be starting tomorrow with the Chemistry paper...i sat for my ielts last saturday...sigh...i made so many unnecessary mistakes...however, i am desperately trying to block it from my mind...if i continued worrying about it, i'd be so depressed!!!things have been quite hectic that everytime i want to write sthing on my blog, i'd hv too many things to say or nothing to say at all!my studies is getting on fine...however, i feel the "kiasu"ness in me slowly increasing.its terrible! i am so obsessed in how many hours i put in everyday for studying. a few weeks back, it was worse!today, i actually took a few 15 mins naps in the morning when i was supposed to be studying..that is really not me...normally ill just try my best to stay awake. i am soooo sleepy!i need sleep! and fun!

i feel it in my bones

2004-10-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get the feeling that something is going to end? It's like a time-bomb just waiting to explode. You find yourself drifting further away from it as time goes by. What are you supposed to do when that happens? Do you hold on tighter to it and hope it will decide to remain there? Or do you just let it go before it leaves you first? i hate the feeling of being abandoned or just a bit rejected. i would rather something ended because of my decision and not circumstances. i have to be in control of what's happening and now i don't feel in control. wouldn't it be better if you let it go and not fight too much for it? the more you put in effort to save it, the more it'd hurt in the end. i could be entirely wrong. maybe nothing's wrong and i'm not losing it. maybe im too paranoid.

I'm sisterless....:(

2004-10-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

My sister, Sarah, left a few hours ago to Dublin,Ireland....i watched her walk away with her drag bag, dressed in black suit with a blue blouse....i think she looked her best today...when i hugged her before she passed counter, i wanted to hold on to her for hours!sarah and me were the best of friends when we were young...we were inseparable and also always on each other's nerves but we always stuck to this rule "When we fight, it's not a real fight, only bluff-bluff one" haha!
somehow, as we grew up, i became to preoccupied with my life and i failed to grow up with her...everything was about me because i had a boyfriend then and i didn't think sarah had much in her life...it was really mean of me...so that's how it started...she grew up a different person than i thought she was and before you know it, i hardly knew her!the funny thing is, she always tried to be the person i thought she was and it always fooled me...i just didnt know that there was more to her...so, we're now not as close as i thought we would be...i don't tell her my secrets(she doesn't even know about this blog) and she doesnt disclose much information about her love life and things like that...we are very different people and disagree a lot...but one thing about my sister is that whenever i'm down, she is always there. maybe there were times when i needed someone to have fun with and she wasn't there but i know that when i was depressed, she was always a comfort.last year, so many times i'd arrive home and burst into tears because of my college and she would always hug me and tell me that everything will be okay.when i called her from college, crying, she listened to me and said the right things...when i thought i wasn't good enough, she'd assure me that i was. even before my AS level results came out, i asked her whether she thinks i have a chance to get all A's...and she said "you did almost every book in the market, how can you not get all A's" and told me to please not to worry...she knew i could do it...when i got my spm results, she was the one i was talking to on the handphone when i took my results slip...gosh, maybe my sister isn't my best friend, but the point is, she was a good sister when i needed her most.at times when i was ok,she annoyed me but when i was in the deepest rut, she was always there.i may sound a bit dramatic but when i saw her plane(after a long analysis of the board and position of gates, we are pretty sure we got the right plane) leave, my hearts soared with pride...i am very proud to be Sarah-Jane's sister(the lable i got in school) and i will always be proud of that...

the child in me

2004-09-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

someone told me that principles should be modified as you grow up...of course, if u see it in a certain aspect, it is quite true...for example, when u were 13, you said you would never go to discos and pubs and that was your principle but when u reach say, 20, u know that it is not as bad as you thought it was...no one says you HAVE o get wasted when u go...clean fun is hard but not impossible...
so which principles are u supposed to modify and which to keep?a few years ago, i made many principles for myself and most of them are not necessarily based on my religion so in that aspect, my religion isn't the one pulling me back (not entirely la... )
so what is it?my perception on things?could my perception be slightly biased? if so, it isn't fair for me to keep to it right?what if, when i made that principle, i ws really naive about things?how can i say that i truly understood the issues that i formed my principles on?what if i'm wrong?i mean, when i was 12, i said i would never have a boyfriend till i finish form 5 and i ended up in a relationship when i was 13! coul i be too naive about things?what if i wanted to stay as "innocent" as i perceive myself to be now?what's wrong with staying a kid at heart and not compromising any o my childish principles? isnt "heaven made for children"?or would lose something really special if i'm too stubborn to grow up?

Highlight of the day : Tanya and Robert

2004-09-26T01:17:00.000-07:00

We had a farewell hi-tea for che-che today. Tanya's family came so i talked to Robert a lot. It was a great time (it may seem that i'm only saying this coz i know Robert will be reading but honestly, no!hehe). i had a great time chatting with Robert, got the latest scoop on Tanya and made me feel better. Seeing Aunty Diana made me miss Tanya so much!When i look at aunty Diana, i see Tanya's face...it was very obvious that she was missing Tanya a lot too!
Sometimes, i feel that i've outgrown my relatives. i can't seem to be the child they think i am and i can't really tolerate silly jokes anymore.
Chatted with Tee for awhile...it was great to hear from her and im so glad she's coping well there...next friday, she'll have her own internet line so will be able to chat with her more. My eyes are getting droopy...i think i'm going to hit the sack now! cheers to a nice day!:)

first driving lesson...disaster!

2004-09-25T03:53:00.000-07:00

i anxiously went for my first driving lesson and i think i gave the instructor a heart attack!i have problems with my coordination and when im trying to get the hang of the pedals, i lose control of the steering wheel...half way through the lesson, i accidentally swerved to a parked car on my left and the driving instructor said " dia hutang u ke?nak bunuh die ah?" omg i think i really tested his patience...his BM is really bad and sometimes when he explains, i don't understand what he's saying! but i did ask as many question as possible...sigh...half way through i thought i have a BIG problem with driving and probably i'd have to bribe them double when i take the exam! sheesh...im really scared!God help me!:) i drove at the main road and back home...i'm a bit proud of that although my instructor didn't show that he was la but i don't care!i think it's a big achievement for someone like me i.e. a person handicap in driving. meng yee said that during her driving exam, she kept this thought in her head to help her through it "i am a doctor and my patient's life depends on me...i have to drive to save my patients". So, during my lesson i took her thought too! sigh...i hope everything goes well...maybe my coordination is bad....but how to improve?? no more manual car at home....sigh....fingers crossed....God help me!

awful bio lab session

2004-09-21T15:47:00.001-07:00

We saw a slide of the pancreas today...we were supposed to draw the islet of Langerhans and one more thingy...it was disastrous!i don't see the point of even attending lab sessions. my definition of a good teacher is someone who has lesson plans, knows the answers of the questions given, and anticipates the possible questions that students will ask thus, gettng ready the answers but my bio lecturer is the total opposite!he didn't even know how big the sketch was supposed to be or what we were actually supposed to draw. the session ended with us resolving to seek help from friends in other colleges. another irritatin fact is that my classmates haven't learnt their lesson from the last exam. they are procrastinating the questions and doubts and i predict, it will all resurface a week before the A2 examination. where's the sense in that?

awful bio lab session

2004-09-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

The feeling i hate most

2004-09-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

i think the most cruel feeling is to miss someone. i miss brandon the whole week and it isn't a pleasant feeling but the fact that i get to see him on Friday makes me feel better. the worst part is when i'm in Physics class and Mr. Zaini is rambling about something simple and i realise that it's only Monday.
the feeling is aggrandized with Tanya. i miss her so much especially when i hear her favourite songs like "The Reason" by Hoobastank and "Pieces of Me" by Ashless Simpson. the latter isnt really her most favourite song but we both faced a large amount of difficulties in downloading it on Kazaa and it somehow formed a nice memory....
missing someone is terrible but missing someone who doesn't miss u is worse so i'm counting my lucky stars...God has been very good to me lately...He gave me the results i asked for for my AS level, i'm happy with Brandon, He helped me in my last mid-semester exams although i admit, i didn't put in my best, and he also helped me to pass my undang test yesterday....to think He helped so much when i kinda neglected Him a bit during the holidays....i'm very grateful....

missing tanya!!!

2004-09-19T02:06:00.000-07:00

Tanya left on Thursday night...i called her just as she was walking towards the airplane...as soon as i hung up, i felt like an empty void in me...im missing tanya so much!i didn't think it'd be this much coz i thought the distance would not be felt....but i distinctively remember Andrew telling me that u really can feel the distance like how he felt when Tiffany went to Dublin before him last year...now i totally agree...i mean Tanya is one of the few friends whom i can tell almost anything to...everytime i'm having a problem, she tells me stuff that i actually do already know but at that time, is not in my head...we think almost alike and and i can always count on her to give me advice based on our religion....Tee, i miss u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh one significant thing for the day....i passed my undang test!people close to me would know why i'm extra happy about this as compared to a normal person...hehe....

Love is only a feeling....or not?

2004-09-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

i think it is super hard to define love...if u take the meaning from the Bible, then it is not possible for us to love anyone except our parents and probably siblings..."love is eternal"...how do we know for usre that it will last?and so, is it wrong for a person to say he or her is in love?what if the guy's definition of love is entirely different i.e. he does it less justice and his perception of love is less strong than the girl's?so can he say he loves her and is it right for her to say that she doesn't love him even though they feel the same way but it's just that she puts love in a higher pedestal as compared to him?is love only a state of mind?are we deluding ourselves in thinking that we're in love when in fact, it is just our need to procreate and the fact that two people can get along fine blinds them in thinking that they are in love?maybe love is only possible from God?

...........

2004-09-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

yay!i finished 2 more of the holiday "Things to do" list. i labled all the shoe boxes properly and on BOTH sides of the boxes and gave Max (my stuff dog who is BIG) and Hagrid(mummy's bear) a bath...very pleased with myself...:)
yesterday was one of the best dates with Brandon! ok i cant put in the details la but basically lots of laugh throughout the date...i'm very happy now...:)

ME evening

2004-09-09T18:40:00.000-07:00

i had the whole evening to myself today so i decided to spend it on myself. i did a bit of cleaning up such as a pedicure i.e. cut my toe nails and file them. i had a nice long bath and cleaned my fingernails too!i must sound so unhygienic, as if i do this annually...hehe...actually i shaped my nails again and cut them shorter. after the bath, i painted my nails with the nail polish i discovered a few days ago while cleaning my cabinet shelf...actually, i just realised that i forgot to paint my toenails! i will do it after this...hehe...besides that, the day has been quite mediocre...but i do have tomorrow to look forward to!hopefully, will get to hang out with brandon.i haven't seen him for a few days already and it's the holidays...miss him!haha!

a good day!

2004-09-09T02:10:00.000-07:00

today turned out to be a pretty good day...it was super fun hanging out with tanya ;-) and double fun hanging out at her house with robert and tricia too...the dinner was really nice!and sweet tanya baked an awesome chocolate cake...this girl used cadbury chocolate to make the "icing" and it tasted great!not bad for a cake baked in an hour only! then we hung out in her room...seeing her stuff all packed didn't really make me sad coz i know she's going for her own good and it'd only be for 2 years...time passes very fast...seeing robert with his mismatched pajamas is quite funny!hehe..and tanya and me posing for a nice picture but frankly, i think we were quite good in the pictures, not many had to be deleted...hehe...then went out with andrew and tiffany for a drink at Red Chamber(my first time!)...the setting of the place is really nice and they successfully projected a nice atmosphere...kinda romantic actually and gothic in a way...i'm proud to say that my opinion of tiffany has changed...she is really a pretty cool girl...i guess, i can't judge ppl that well with first impressions...overall, it was a nice chat with andrew and tiffany...i enjoyed my day fully!:) just hope mummy won't screw my head for coming home after 1am!

the purpose of this

2004-09-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

This is my second attempt to have a blog. What led to this? Mainly it's my need to improve my English (haha!)... other than that, a few of my friends have recently started blogs too so i just want to see what's so nice about it since my last blog wasn't that successful...(mainly because only Tanya got to read it...hehe) one more reason which i think is the only good one is that this blog is for my best friend Tanya. She's leaving for Manchester in a few days time and one of our ideas on how to maintain our best-friendship is for us both to have a blog and visit each others blog daily(if possible) and keep in touch with what's happening in each others life. of course, the private and juicy details have to be kept for our emails but normal mundane details will be posted here. Anyway, it's also holidays and i'm getting slightly bored so blogging it is!:)
Today was a pretty normal day apart from the fact that i successfully completed on of my tasks assigned for the holidays! Cleaned and tidied the top of my cabinet and found some pretty cool forgotten hair accesories and nail polish...will try the nail polish soon...:)
i wonder how am i going to keep a blog when i already have a diary... but this is for Tanya!:)

tomorrow,tomorrow, i love ya tomorrow!

2004-09-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

looking forward to tomorrow...will be seeing tanya and going to her house for dinner so will be seeing robert too! then most prob meeting andrew and he'll send me home.was so happy mummy let me go...pretty excited about going tomorrow...will post more tomorrow and see if my enthusiasm about tomorrow was well satisfied...:)
oh ya had the funniest conversation with brandon...things look more interesting now...feel closer to him...:) he makes me happy...