super, not damn

self-centered, selfish, self-righteous, but repenting.:)

Monday, August 22, 2005

Heading to medical school...

Will be leaving for India on the 30th of August at 10.45pm...will take a plane to Bangalore and stay a night there...the next morning, will be taking another flight to Mangalore and register at Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore...

Monday, August 15, 2005

the results of a quiz i did online...wonder whether its correct...:p

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Totally informal blog

ok...i have no mood to compose my sentences properly or organise this blog entry...hence, im going to write whatever comes to my mind....
im so scared to go...i have mixed feelings about leaving soon...i woke up today feeling so depressed about leaving home where i feel so comfortable...5 and a half years seems so long to me...then i started thinking about the real reason i'm going...to study...and maybe this whole depression is coz i dont have any books to keep me busy in the right way...dont get me wrong...im not lounging around the house the whole day in my pajamas...i do have a "busy" life...:p but its full of dates, family outing, shopping days etc...things that in some way don't fulfil me like books do or maybe just studying...i don't feel useful enough .... so i guess, the only way to curb this occasional depression is to keep in mind dat im going to study, meet new people, broaden my mind, bask(thanks che!:)) in the culture and enjoy myself...:) secondly, i guess the usefullness will come along as soon as i start classes and that will be one hectic lifestyle to get used to...:) classes dat i HAVE to attend, lectures i HAVE to listen to, etc...so life is gonna be good...:)

Monday, August 08, 2005

Results!!!:)

Finally! i got 4 A's!!:) Thank you, God!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The truth about the hours spent supposedly buried in my books

The A2 results will be out on Monday i heard. Anxiety, uncertainty, guilt....all these emotions and a bit more flying in the form of butterflies in my stomach. Ok i know there's something wrong with that statement....:)
i'm not trying to be arrogant or boastful but ppl who know me may say that i have no worries about results but honestly, i feel so unsure about my chances of acing this exam. i know that i've done my best but i feel that my best is not enough to get the results that i want. i also think that maybe i don't deserve the results that i want. i'm a person with lots of flaws and maybe a failure will do some good to my ego. all in all, i've never been more unsure about my capabilities.
to add to it, i don't think my studying technique was all that good. i became so stressed up. maybe God will suddenly come up with this idea that a failure would be the best in curbing my stress-prone behaviour. Actually, maybe what i'm really afraid of is the fact that God determines my results and He'll think that it is best for me to not get what i want this time especially when all these while He's been giving me what i want.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

back down to Earth

it's time for me to have REAL goals. i cannot be focused on just completing my studies and doing the best i can for myself. i have to start thinking about other people and how what i do affects them. secondly, i have to stop being subjective. i didnt know what it means but now i do. subjective is when u are emotional and illogical. i have to increase my sympathy-capabilities and put my hostility a few notched lower. my interpersonal skills have to be honed and tolerance learnt. its not going to be achieved overnight but everything takes time and i'm determined to be a better person and get rid of this self absorbed person in me. i'm not trying to be modest or have a confession on my blog but im just organising my thoughts and fears.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Wake up, Day calls you

Found a nice poem this morning...:)

Wake up. Day calls you

Wake up. Day calls you
to your life:your duty.
And to live, nothing more.
Root it out of the glum
night and the darkness
that covered your body
for which light waited
on tiptoe in the dawn.
Stand up, affirm the straight
simple will to be
a pure slender virgin.
Test your bodys metal.
cold, heat? Your blood
will tell against the snow,
or behind the window.
The colour
in your cheeks will tell.
And look at people. Rest
doing no more than adding
your perfection to another
day. Your task
is to carry your life high,
and play with it, hurl it
like a voice to the clouds
so it may retrieve the light
already gone from us.
That is your fate: to live
Do nothing.
Your work is you, nothing more.

Pedro Salinas

Saturday, July 16, 2005

just a start...

i spent the whole day at home except for lunch and dinner out with the family. it was intended to be a day for rest but i ended up settling a few stuff concerning preparations to leave.Firstly, had to make a few calls to confirm the visa process. a jpa officer called and i think the poor lady had to make many similar calls that she talked so fast! no wonder meng yee said she couldn't catch what the woman said:) kinda pity her actually...
anyway, finally finished the letter to looi so one thing from the list is ticked off!:) hopefully it'll reach her soon...
i also kinda made a list of things to buy for India...ok actually i just took che-che's list which she made last year and added the extra stuff and crossed out the unnecessary ones..i think my laziness resurfacing since the holidays started:)
so actually, the week has been quite a fulfilling one...met Tanya for a drink on Wednesday...last night, met claudia, ju lynn, pei hwa, and trudy for starlight cinema but when we got there it started to rain and to cut the long story short, we were left standing in the rain for more than half an hour and didn't get to watch the movie too. However, we did get to watch Fantastic 4 which to me, was very fantastic!:) it has been a long time since i last watched a nice movie so it's a relief to me...
so today marks the first step of my preparations to leave for India...i'm predicting a few more weeks of much activities...:)